gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
