you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
