Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
