Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
