My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
