It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
