the new term for farting is butt boxing.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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