I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
