Got a toothbrush?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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