This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
