I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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