Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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