It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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