I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
