You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
