I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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