Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
