I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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