You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
