You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You need a sexual gate keeper
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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