The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
