You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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