i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
