First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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