Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
