people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
