how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
