Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
