if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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