How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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