Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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