Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
