she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
