plz talk dirty to me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
