We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
