eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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