Pregnant stripper...not hot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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