we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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