will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
