True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
