This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
