I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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