Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
