her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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