My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We need to rekindle our bromance
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
