There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
