just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
