is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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