You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
