sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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